And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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