How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
