Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
