please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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