if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
