So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
