he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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