3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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