seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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