we're blogging at a bar
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
