brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
