Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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