i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize