But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug