The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
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I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I love you. Go after that dick