Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.

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  (508): she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock. http://tfl.nu/5spj
  Replies (9) Good night (735) Bad night (1983)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  So glad I found your sister.

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  (240): There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find. (443): So glad I found your sister. http://tfl.nu/p3yp
  Replies (36) Good night (9831) Bad night (1228)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

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  (603): Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror. http://tfl.nu/is4s
  Replies (25) Good night (8337) Bad night (1260)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover

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  (204): I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover http://tfl.nu/k1fy
  Replies (8) Good night (1399) Bad night (4089)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.

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  (630): She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend. http://tfl.nu/zf6u
  Replies (14) Good night (5171) Bad night (903)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.

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  (401): Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight. http://tfl.nu/8i8j
  Replies (12) Good night (796) Bad night (3474)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.

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  (972): I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it. http://tfl.nu/3d6t
  Replies (14) Good night (4422) Bad night (870)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.

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  (210): I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be. http://tfl.nu/9s9m
  Replies (1) Good night (1615) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.

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  (435): Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday. http://tfl.nu/eusa
  Replies (4) Good night (890) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans

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  (610): Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans http://tfl.nu/llf4
  Replies (5) Good night (1029) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)

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  (774): I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-) http://tfl.nu/aq14
  Replies (8) Good night (1484) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.

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  (248): I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom. http://tfl.nu/9ssn
  Replies (3) Good night (964) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  Omg so it's educational?

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  (802): There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking (1-802): Omg so it's educational? http://tfl.nu/zo1h
  Replies (2) Good night (614) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg

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  (702): one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg http://tfl.nu/43te
  Replies (1) Good night (279) Bad night (138)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.

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  (360): I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink. http://tfl.nu/k5ex
  Replies (4) Good night (396) Bad night (253)

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