Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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