other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
