Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She is in my trunk
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
