My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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