fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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