living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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