Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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