my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my sisters under your porch take her home
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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