oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
