omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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