I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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