youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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