how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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