you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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