clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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