her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
