we have officially lost it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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