I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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