If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
