i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize