Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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