She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
