Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
