My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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