I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
