Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When are your genitals available?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
