it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
