i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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