You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
