the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
