i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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