I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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