Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
