Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
