The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
