Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
