batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
