I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
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I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
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Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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