Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
please don't ironically join a cult
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