Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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