We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
