I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
